Zhenji: The Violet Queen
by GirlInTheMask
Summary: A diary kept by Zhenji in the days before she met Cao Pi or even married Yuan Xi.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors. All belongs to Koei._

_Author's Note: Most of what I've written here comes from the games, the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and actual history. Some things are guessed at but I've combined all the information I've gathered to make this story. Enjoy!_

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><p><span><strong>Zhenji: The Violet Queen<strong>

Seventh Year of Emperor Xian (A.D. 196)  
><span>Sixteenth Day, First Month (March 6)  
><span>Palace of Lord Zhen

Ah! Morning at last! I thought the sun would never rise. Thought the new year's festivities would never end. A yawn has just escaped my lips as I wrote these last words. Perhaps I shall set aside some time today to rest some more. Hopefully I won't be the only one. These past two weeks all of China was deep in celebration, welcoming the brand new year of the Fire Rat. The celebrations ended only last night in the culminating lantern festival. Most of the lanterns were fairly simple, being made by the villagers who can ill afford elaborate designs, especially in times such as these. But how grand it was to see them light the streets in remembrance of the day a wise man's trick saved a lone town from the Jade Emperor's wrath. And how much more proud I was to see the lanterns my family and I made adorn my home.

Once we were in the town to join the final festivities the villagers were holding, I could only stare in awe as I saw the hundreds of lanterns lighting the palace in the distance like a giant flaming torch. I still have my own with me, and I smile each and every time I behold the drawing adorning it. It is an image of my favorite musical instrument in the world: a flute. I am nearly finished learning a new song that I've been practicing for weeks, and am looking forward to blessing everyone again with my talent.

Still, the evening's events were happy and joyous. A float strolled by holding a magnificent sculpture of a rat – an animal I never thought could be so finely portrayed in such a way, to be honest. Its eyes pierced red like blood rubies, and it sat with its head held high in a proud, almost kingly position, establishing itself as the animal of this year. Behind that came a group of long-sleeve dancers, who moved so gracefully and fluidly like waves of water to the wondrous music that I could feel the urge to join them flow through my veins. But I knew Mother would not allow it, as usual. Even so, simply watching the parade in and of itself was exhausting. By the time we all came home to eat the last meal before bed, I could barely keep my head off the table.

Now that I am fully able to keep it off my desk, I can properly convey my thoughts with my new writing set Mother gave me as a gift a few weeks ago, when I officially turned twelve. Technically though, I'm now thirteen, for everyone turns one year older during the new year celebrations, even babes who'd only been born just days before. But back to the writing set, it is simply beautiful, with half a dozen newly made brushes, two bottles of ink, and a medium-sized box of shining, polished wood to keep it all in. Mother said that she gave one to all my siblings as soon as they reached my age, and that it was good for the mind to record one's thoughts.

And that is exactly what I intend to do. The only reason I waited until now was so I would have time to write and not be distracted by the new year's celebrations. Now that those are out of the way, I can finally put my mind and my hands to work. Only now, it seems my hand is ready to stop before my mind is.

Seventeenth Day, First Month (March 7)

Oh, glorious news! This morning, all of my siblings that had come to visit for the new year announced that they had had it arranged so that they could stay for another three days. It was my sister Jiang's idea, and she had sent missives to the others detailing her suggestion so they could see to it before they left. She is so clever. Perhaps my good fortune for the year is already beginning. I do hope they will be able to stay long enough for me to play my new song for them. I also hope that they told the household staff their plans. Still, even if they were not informed, they would have to oblige anyway.

I have six siblings in all, though I was originally meant to have seven. I have two brothers and four sisters. The missing sibling is my brother Yu, the firstborn of all of us. He was born fourteen years before I, and, unfortunately, I never knew him. When he was only five years old, he fell off his horse and into a ravine, hitting his head on a rock, resulting in his premature death. Mother had just given birth to her third son, but her grief was nonetheless near consuming. Whether it is fortunate or not for us that came after not to have shared in this grief, I cannot say.

The second eldest is my brother Yan, eleven years older than me. Not only is he my favorite brother, but he has proven himself to be a worthy substitutionary heir for our father. When we were young, he would always make me laugh, even when I was at my saddest. And he even taught me a few martial arts moves that to this day I continue to practice. Now though, Yan is Chief of Quliang County, only a few dozen miles from here. And his wife, only a few years older than me, is just a few weeks away from giving birth to their first child. While I am most happy for them, I secretly hope that it will be a boy, for I do not wish to be replaced in my brother's heart.

My other brother is Yao, nine years older, and the only one still living here. Mother believes he should at least consider marrying, but she does not seem to notice that he is more interested in studying than in courting. Often I find him either reading or writing, whether in the library or outside in one of the courtyards, almost always with an entranced and fascinated look on his face. I can understand though, for I myself am a great reader and take pleasure in such pursuits, ever since I was small. Whether or not he inspired that in me, I do not know.

My first sister is Jiang, eight years older than me. I'm afraid she is the one I see the least of all, for she was the first of us to marry. I was only eight years old, and she was fifteen, the same age Mother was when she married Father. She is married to a lord who lives in the same province as Yan, and already she has three children, two sons and one daughter. At times, I will admit, Jiang seems too sweet and accommodating. But when I was little and I misbehaved, she took the job she claimed Mother should have of scolding me. I can only assume she's that way also with her children.

My second sister is Tuo, six years older. She was married about three years ago to a high-ranking officer who lives near here, so her visits tend to be more frequent. Throughout most of my childhood, I was somewhat afraid of her. Not only is she unusually tall – which made her fear she'd never find a husband – but she can get rather angry when provoked. However, I've noticed that she is now more controlling of herself. Most likely because she has a two-year-old daughter and will, in a few months, welcome her second child. Either that or she is putting on a show.

My third sister is Dao, five years older. And just six months ago, has married another officer who lives nearby, so we will hopefully have frequent visits from her as well. Dao was always perhaps the quietest of us all, but in no way is she timid. I remember when we were younger we would play hide-and-seek inside and outside the palace, and causing our maids and Mother to seek us in the process. Always she would place the blame on herself, even if it wasn't she who had come up with the idea. Just a few days ago she announced she was expecting her first child, leaving me to wonder how her parenting style will compare with our sisters'.

My last sister is Rong, only two years older than me, and the only one of my sisters still unmarried. Though that will likely change sooner or later, for Mother is looking for potential suitors, likely as I write. Rong, however, insists that she will only marry a man she loves. So like her. She has always been a romantic. Always fawning over love stories and poems. Sometimes I find it ridiculous. And yet, I cannot help but admire her commitment. I also can't help but wonder if I too should love the man I should eventually marry before I actually marry him.

And last of all is me, Ji, trailing along at the end. The last of Lord Zhen and Lady Zhang's children. But one thing I have noted is that, whether or not she will admit it, Mother seems to regard me as her favorite. Often, throughout my childhood, she has paid special attention to me. She told me that I was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen, and I would have to agree with her that I have blossomed quite considerably since then, even at my current age. That was probably why she named me "Lady." I have the feeling Mother will be especially picky when seeking a husband for me. And given the way she tends to give me special privileges, she might even let me participate in it. I would be glad to, for what man would not want a wife as lovely as me? The question of course though, is whether I will want him.

Twentieth Day, First Month (March 10)

At last! I finally got to perform my song. I've been practicing hard in the days since my last entry, and when I brought it up during supper tonight, Mother insisted that we all gather in the library so I could play before my siblings leave tomorrow. Yan, in particular, said he was looking forward to it. He always knows just what to say to encourage me! Thus, after dinner, Mother gathered my brother and all my sisters into the medium-sized room like a hen would gather her chicks. She even invited some of the servants, and ended up cramming just over two dozen people inside to make up the audience.

I have performed for such audiences before, but there are times when I get nervous. This was one of them. My maid, Lizi, though, reminded me to take deep breaths. As I would when practicing my martial arts, she said. She is only one year older than me, but very observant and always ready and willing to see to my concerns.

After I made sure my appearance was still appropriate – the way it was during dinner – I brought with me my elaborate flute, made of finely polished wood and encrusted with amethyst gems brought all the way from the kingdom of Silla. Mother had had it made for me as a new year's gift last year. I then stood tall and proud in front of my audience, and began to play.

The melody was one of pleasance and happiness. I could tell, for one by one I could see smiles spreading on everyone's faces. I could see that I was pleasing them, and rightly so, for I had worked very hard in preparing this for them. And yet, as I played, I couldn't help but notice that one face in the audience was ominously missing.

Before I could wonder what that meant though, my eyes focused on Yao, who not only was frowning, but looked alarmingly pale. Everyone seemed to follow my then widened eyes toward him, and before any of us could wonder what was wrong, my brother keeled over and vomited. I immediately stopped playing as cries of alarm quickly erupted one after another, and watched as two of Yao's manservants helped him onto his feet and began escorting him out of the room. Even as I write this, I can hear Mother's hysterics from the floor below, demanding to know what could have happened to make so ill the son she still considers "her boy."

Twenty-Second Day, First Month (March 12)

Have just gotten back from my martial arts lesson. Hopefully I can get more than a few words down before I start getting ready for supper. Master Peng, my instructor, is a good teacher but very stern. He rarely smiles, so it can be hard to tell if I am pleasing him or not. Today, as he was teaching me and Rong, he seemed to have his critical eye on us at all times. Whether or not this is because we are girls and not the boys he is used to training, I do not know.

To this idea that women cannot fight as well as men, I say nonsense! And if there is one advantage that we truly have over them, it is our charm and beauty. For not only is there the old saying that behind every powerful man lies an equally powerful woman, but so-called great men have fallen due to women's efforts to see them do so. In fact, I may attempt to use that along with my martial abilities should the need to overpower an enemy arise.

Twenty-Third Day, First Month (March 13)

For the last couple of days, ever since the unceremonious end to my performance, Yao has taken to his bed, literally ill to his stomach. And for the same amount of time, Mother has been beside herself with worry, for my brother does not often get sick. She's even entertaining the possibility of poison. Part of me wants to dismiss that as silly. But if I was completely honest, I'm not entirely able to do so.

Our family has long been allies with Lord Yuan, who, in turn, is an ally of Lord Cao, perhaps the most powerful man in China, maybe more so than the emperor. There are those who believe Lord Cao is a threat to the land, which has already been experiencing discord for the past several years, ever since I was small. Others, particularly those who live in and near our province, believe he is a unifying force in this age of uncertainty. I myself have never met him, so I can't be sure either way.

As for our aforementioned people, though problems such as poverty and hunger still exist, they've been slowly improve with each year. I remember when I was ten years old, when our family owned large stockpiles of grain, and Mother was thinking of selling them in exchange for valuable things. When she brought this up during dinner one evening, I said, "It is not wrong to own expensive items, but in this chaotic era, owning such items has become a wrongdoing. Our neighbors are suffering from hunger, so why don't we distribute our surplus grain to our fellow townsfolk? This is an act of graciousness and kindness."

Everyone, especially Mother, looked at me as if I'd spoken like the sage of the century. Even more surprising, they heeded my words. Even now I wonder at their reaction, since it only seemed like common sense. Then again, I couldn't help but smile when Mother went on about what a brilliant child I was and how proud she was of me.

Later

Yao came to join us for dinner this evening. Mother insisted he return to bed and wait until he was brought something, but Yao said he was getting lonely and wanted to spend the evening with us. He can be so sweet sometimes!

Twenty-Fourth Day, First Month (March 14)

A rather fun day today. I was planning on beginning to learn another song on my flute, but Rong came to my room and asked if I would like to go horseback riding with her. At first I wanted to refuse, as I am one who would prefer to spend my time indoors rather than out. But when she looked at me with those eyes that she often used to manipulate me when we were younger, I sighed, knowing she would not take no for an answer, and said yes.

Lizi and I followed her and her maid, Wen, to the stables, where we met two of our armed manservants to accompany us, and selected our horses, a black mare for Rong and a dark brown mare for me. Once the horses were tacked and we were in our saddles, Rong took the lead before I could, likely to spite me. She believes she can do that just because she's two years older than me, but I will show her someday. As we rode past the palace though, I saw Yao sitting in his window, watching us as we trotted by. I could tell he was jealous, but due to his illness, it obviously couldn't be helped. Poor brother.

We then rode past the courtyards, and through the woods beyond on a well-beaten path my family has almost always taken whenever we wished to go riding. I wished to at least urge my horse forward so that I was side by side with my sister, but the narrow road would not allow me to do so, leaving me, as usual, in second place. Even so, my eyes were soon entertained by the sights showing that spring had clearly arrived. Half the trees we came across had already begun to bloom with pink and white blossoms, the grass had become a rather vibrant green, and it was only then that I noticed that it was warmer than when I had last been outside.

Unfortunately, it was decided we would stop to rest and let the horses graze as soon as we came to a small river that runs near the palace. I say unfortunately only for what followed soon after. I knew Rong would bring it up, but it was nonetheless frustrating. She asked me if I remembered the time when she was seven and I was five, and I pushed her into that very river as she was looking into it because I was mad at her for borrowing my mirror without asking. How could I not remember? Jiang scolded me that day until tears streamed down my face and I practically begged Rong's forgiveness. Yet another way Rong likes to stay ahead of me. Still, I cannot deny that she's very fond of me. As I am of her.

Twenty-Fifth Day, First Month (March 15)

Yao looked much better when he came to have dinner with us. One of our manservants, who is also a physician, put our mother's fears to rest by bringing back the verdict that it was not poison that befell him. Still, she's told all of our servants that although she does not know what happen, they must be especially careful when handling our food, otherwise the death of her youngest son could be on one of their hands. All of this she actually said. It is clear that Mother is the head authority in this house, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if she tends to overemphasize that fact.

Twenty-Seventh Day, First Month (March 17)

I was looking at what I wrote right after my flute performance, and saw that I had written that there seemed to be a missing face in the audience that night. I began to feel sad, until I remembered why, and whose face I was missing. Remember when I wrote that Mother was the head authority in the house? Well, that is because my father, Lord Zhen Yi, is dead. For the past ten years in fact. I was but three years old when he died, so I do not remember much of him. I somewhat remember the day of his funeral, when we all wore white robes and sat before his tomb in the mausoleum below the palace. And Mother was apparently so shaken by his passing that she still remains a widow to this day.

Fortunately, Mother has told me many stories about him, how he was the Prefect of Shangchai County, and that he was a brave and honorable man. According to her, when I was two years old, Father took me and all my siblings to see a fortune teller named Liu Liang. I do not remember the exact details, but the woman apparently told my father concerning me, "This girl will become very noble in the future." Who knows? Maybe he saw me in the same light that my mother does.

Even now, I occasionally go to visit his tomb, which stands just beyond the altar where candles that burn daily surround the tablets bearing the names of most of our ancestors. It also stands next to the tomb of my dead brother, Yu. Twice each month, we come before the altar to provide offerings such as food, drink, and such for my father and brother to enjoy in the life after this. Hopefully, they are also enjoying each other, father and son.

Twenty-Eighth Day, First Month (March 18)

I wonder if my sisters, or even my brothers, have ever written as much as I do now. Rong would probably not really bother, since she is very much my opposite in that she would rather be outside than inside the palace. All of my sisters are, in fact. One time, when I was eight years old, they all went to the balcony to watch a traveling group of horseback riding performers, but I refused to join. When I was asked why, I replied with my own question. "Is this something a girl should watch?" I had not yet revealed my interest in books and the scholarly arts, so that was the only answer I could come up with.

I did however, reveal it the following year, and that earned a peculiar reaction from my brothers. Yao said to me, "You should be learning what women traditionally do. When you picked up reading, were you planning to become a female scholar?" I replied, "I heard that virtuous women in history learned from the successes and failures of those who lived before them. If they didn't read, how did they learn all that?" Neither he nor Yan bothered me about it after that.

Oh dear. A rather dangerous idea crossed my mind, and it seems my hand wishes to write it down. Perhaps I could look for any lost records one of my siblings – the ones who no longer live here, that is – might have. Mother tends to have the servants clean and dust their rooms, probably so she can remind herself of the days her grown children were little ones. Maybe there is the possibility one of them might have something interesting to read? Perhaps so. I could probably start with either Jiang or Tuo, for they are my oldest sisters, and likely have some very interesting things to read about. Oh the possibilities! And, oh the deviousness and sheer daring of it all too.

Twenty-Ninth Day, First Month (March 19)

Have just gotten back from my evening bath. I have also had my hair swept back so I do not wet the paper and ink. It's one of my favorite times of the day, when I get to relax and rest after a long day, immersed in the waters of the indoor hot springs and feeling Lizi's fingers between my hair as she washes it, leaving me smelling like one of those blossoms on the trees outside. Mother and Rong join me, while Yao has his own hot springs as a member of the opposite sex. This is usually one of the last events of the day before we dry off and go to bed.

My days usually follow this routine. I rise just after sunrise and make my bed, so I won't, in Mother's words, overwork Lizi. She then helps me into a dress of my choice and fix my hair in a stylish way befitting my status before I join Mother, Yao, and Rong for breakfast. Oranges are my favorite, and it is not unusual for me to eat at least three of them, earning me a look from Rong reminding me to share.

We then go our separate ways. Mother usually sees to her duties not only as the lady of the house, but also the lady of the county. As Father's widow, she has since taken up his place and reports to the surrounding men who stand with us concerning things that need to be seen to, whether it be security, the poverty and hunger currently plaguing most of the province, or something else. Often, Yao helps her for a while, and then usually goes off to either read, write, or further his studies. Rong and I too further our studies, with the help of Master Shen in language and mathematics, and Master Peng in martial arts. How strenuous it can all be at times!

Thirty-First Day, First Month (March 21)

Oh, you shall never guess what I found. A record written by Tuo! I was passing by her room, decided to have a look around, and found it in a rather obvious place: underneath her bed, in fact. I keep mine in a secret compartment I found in the back of my wardrobe. Here are some of the things she has written, from about five years ago, I believe.

_Arose just after dawn. Breakfast was good. I would say I look good in blue and white. Mother even said so. We both agreed that it seemed to bring out my dark eyes and ink black hair. As for little sister, Ji, as lovely as she is, I would not say blue is a proper color for her._

Was that not rude of her to write so? Blue is one of my favorite colors, along with purple and white. I will also agree though that every time I see her in blue, it does bring out her own natural beauty, which is probably one of the reasons why she married just two years later.

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><p><em>Reviews would be appreciated.<em>


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